I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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