Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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