I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
