My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize