Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
