Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
