i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
