Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
