Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
