With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
