you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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