escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
