Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
