Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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