all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
