My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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