Im at strip club and am horny
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She needs sedatives and a leash
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize