I just threw up on my dentist
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
