when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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