He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
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