I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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