Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
