The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
