the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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