Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
