you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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