Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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