Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
please come you make the beer taste better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pole danced in your parka.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize