just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
