I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
