your room smells of hookers.
And success
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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