this beer tastes like vomit already
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
