Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
