I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
