i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
