its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I deserve this hangover.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
