OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
