I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
