I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize