dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
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I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
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All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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