Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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