Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
