I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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