She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
