Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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