he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
