You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
