In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
