Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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