I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
