Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
