so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Who wears a wallet chain?!
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He felt like a one man threesome
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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