oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
