I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
