I don't usually arrange sex via text message
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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