I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It's official drugs can't kill me
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
