real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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