How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
