They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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