im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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