VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
