Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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