He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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