last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
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so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
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I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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