taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
