He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
