He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
