I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
