from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
