We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
