Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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