I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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