my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
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He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
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What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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