this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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