You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Randomize
