Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
