she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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