we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
