She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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