He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
