omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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