Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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