Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
