Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
