it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize