I cannot find my penis.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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